


angels can fall too.

by pricelessmaple



Category: The Edge of Seventeen (2016)
Genre: Abuse, Angst and Feels, Angst and Romance, Angst with a Happy Ending, Best Friends, Bisexual Female Character, Bisexuality, Canon Compliant, Cheating, Childhood Friends, Drama & Romance, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/F, F/M, Friends to Enemies, Friends to Lovers to Enemies, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Mental Health Issues, No Dialogue, Post-Canon, Romance, Slushies, Teen Angst, Teen Romance, Teenage Drama, Teenagers, Unresolved Emotional Tension, Unresolved Tension, Verbal Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-05
Updated: 2019-10-05
Packaged: 2020-11-24 14:49:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,437
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20909423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pricelessmaple/pseuds/pricelessmaple
Summary: Nadine feels like she's constantly drowning. Perhaps by letting go of the past, she can save herself.Time doesn't heal all wounds, and apparently, it won't let the memories fade either.





	angels can fall too.

It had always been just them against the world, for almost as long as she could remember. She had never really experienced a life without Krista. So many nights, too many to count, had been spent downing 7/11 slushies and dancing and joking. She’d laugh until her stomach hurt, and then laughed some more. An ache coursing through the muscles in her cheeks from smiling too long. Krista actually listened to her, cared what she had to say. 

Not anymore. She didn’t have to care or listen, not now that she was with Darian. This was Nadine’s life now, Krista-less. Of course, they still saw each other, but it was different. The uncomfortable silence between them was almost unbearable. It stung to walk through the halls, making eye contact with her and expecting her to say hi, only to be ignored. Or rather, to hear Krista laugh at someone else’s jokes, that joyous sound ring out for whoever she had replaced Nadine with. (She didn’t bother learning the names of all of Krista’s new friends, because they were also Darian’s friends. Any friend of her enemy was also her enemy, as she saw it.)

Sitting in the car with Nick, she had let herself imagine a new life where she got to move on as well. Watching him bop his head in tune with the song playing over the radio, the smile that crossed his face. She almost wished she hadn’t stopped him from unbuckling his pants - almost. Perhaps he would have cared to get to know her if they hadn’t stopped. An actual conversation with him, just like at the pet store. But whether he would have cared about her or not, it would never have been like Krista. 

(Sweet, cherry-flavoured kisses shared in the late night under blankets, just friends making stupid decisions, right?)

Erwin didn’t kiss like Krista. He was too awkward, clearly had no experience, but Nadine wasn’t nearly in a position to get to judge him. She hadn’t had a litany of significant others, not like her brother had. She used to wonder why Darian hadn’t dumped Krista and moved on after a week, like he had all the others, but she knew. Krista was different. Far too good for someone so conceited and harsh. 

(She watched Krista sleep, admired the goddess resting in her bed. Golden hair with specks of glitter sprinkled carelessly like stars stretched out across the pillow, her chest rising and falling peacefully. She almost seemed too perfect to really exist. Limbs intertwined, better moments than this were nonexistent.) 

This morning, she woke up cold in her empty bed, all too dreadfully aware of Krista’s laughter echoing through the hallway from Darian’s room. After all, angels can fall too.

Nadine laced her hand in Erwin’s, and listened to him talk. She didn’t know what about, didn’t honestly care at this point. She just needed to hear the sound of his voice. He may have not been hot in the way that Nick was, but he really was cute, and sweet. The kind of guy she wouldn’t mind taking home to meet her mom. She didn’t have to worry about her mom or Darian trying to swoop in and replace her. Besides, she knew Erwin would never abandon her for no reason. But then again, she had thought the same thing of Krista. They may have been fine now, but there was no undoing what had been done. All those years spent together meant nothing, all the nights of bodies pressed together in a warm embrace, not when Darian was there.

Erwin’s voice called to her, pulling her out of her thoughts, and he gave her that big, goofy grin of his that looked just a little crooked. She smiled back, looking at how the blue of the aquarium tank illuminated his face. Krista was nothing but a friend of Darian’s and someone she used to know now. This was her present, and she was happy with that. Nadine gave Erwin a quick peck on the lips, relishing the shock that passed through his features every time she kissed him, as if he was still registering the fact that they were really together. He squeezed her hand just a little bit tighter, had a little bit more pep in his step. 

Nadine remembered how Krista was the same way with her. But now it was Darian who got to see that, Darian who got to watch her dance and make her laugh. For as long as she remembered, it was always Nadine and Krista, Krista and Nadine. Late nights mixing 7/11 slushie flavours, or competitions to see who could hold their breath the longest in the pool. 

(_I want to kiss you underwater, where no one can see us._) 

It would never be the same with Erwin, no matter how much Nadine cared about him. He didn’t get it. But it was okay. They could come up with their own late night activities, their own memories that Nadine could linger on when he wasn’t around. She was certain that he was absolutely in love with her.

Erwin bought her a necklace from the aquarium gift shop. It had a little silver dolphin charm on it, one that was most definitely fake and would bronze, but it didn’t matter. It was perfect. She wore it every day - even though the only one who would notice it was Mr. Bruner. 

He went out of his way to go to 7/11 on the way back to his house, which Nadine was grateful for. It was practically a dealbreaker, she explained, if he didn’t understand the art and importance of flavour-mixing. He just simply laughed, and followed her lead as they went through the store. His review: too sweet, but worth it. Definitely worth it, Nadine agreed, beaming as she watched his reaction carefully.

She never would have expected this when Erwin first talked to her about her sweater, and the strange conversation that followed, or certainly not when she messaged Nick on the playground and anxiously waited for his response. Did she really want to end up with a guy who went to juvy anyways? The conversation she would have had to deal with if she would have brought him home to meet her mother was one she was glad to have avoided. Erwin hadn’t even ever gotten a referral, let alone dealt with serious consequences such as juvy. 

Besides, she didn’t need Krista to keep her together anymore. She was learning how to do that on her own, and with Erwin’s help. She had friends now, and could rub it in Darian’s face. He no longer could hold that above her, ripping her apart with his cruel words and icy retorts. She was strong, and could stand on her own two feet without using Krista as a crutch or a shield to hide behind. Darian was the vulnerable one now, and she could shatter him like he did her. But she was merciful, unlike him, and gave him forgiveness and a second chance.

She was no longer pitied and pathetic, no longer had to live in a world where everyone loved Darian far more than her. She was no longer his burden to carry. She has never forgotten the things he said to her, but that doesn’t mean she has to dwell in them.

Nadine lied down in Erwin’s bed next to him, curling up in his heat. For the first time since her birth, since her father died, since Krista abandoned her, she let herself experience a sense of stability. She wasn’t made with sugar and spice and everything nice, not like Krista was, and yet Erwin cared enough to chase her storm regardless. She has spent years blocking out the sun. He has convinced her to let it back in, feel the light dance on her skin.

Nadine thinks she feels too much, or perhaps she’s just human. Perhaps she’ll learn how to live open and freely, the way Darian and Krista and Nick and Erwin let themselves live. She’ll drown in her demons if she keeps fighting herself like this. 

She drifts off to sleep in Erwin’s arms, an empty 7/11 cup on his nightstand, and wakes to the sight of Erwin sketching her, watches his concentrated look through half-lidded eyes. She keeps her body as still as possible, afraid to let him lose his focus. Passion and life flairs through his expression, his eyes, and it was just like that morning of watching Krista sleep.

She thinks perhaps she might love him too. 


End file.
